Islamic Marriage Advice
by Ahmad Malik
As salaam -o-elekum.
My name is Ahmad .I am 32 years old. I belong from Sunni sect. I fall in love with shia girl 5 years ago. But we mutually agreed not to marry due to change in sect and demerits of love marriages.
At that time the girl was engaged with her cousin.
As we agreed not to marry and not disclosed our love to our parents. So her parents fixed her date for marriage with her consent. As with mutual understanding and no intimation from my side she was ready to marry and her parents did her Nikkah with her cousin one month before Rukhsiti. As the time of rukhsiti coming we were coming more closer . At that time I didn't know that she had nikkah with imran. I was informed after 22 days or 8 days before rukhsiti. I was passing through mental disorder at that time. So not to hurt me more and misguidance from friend, she did not inform me about her nikkah at proper time. But i was informed about the date of marriage. So as the time coming closer I took a stand and told her not to marry with her cousin and I will send my parents. She loves me more then me , so without informing about nikkah, she start taking stand infront of her mother. Few days later when I came to know that she had a nikkah then I did not believe that. I also start talking to my parents to marry with her. Time passes and the day came when she has a mehndi function. Till that time I was totally out of control and cannot imagine my self without her and due to mental illness start motivating her to leave her parents and home and we run away and got married. She refuses to do so. On the night of mehndi function I again start convincing as well as emotionally capturing her to run away from home. At that night my parents visit her home for purpose her on my heavy request and my mental condition but they refuses as understood. After that when I emotionally captured her then finally we ran away from home in night. She was in yellow mehndi suit that night.
On the next day, My family took us back to home on the condition that we both will marry after her divorce from her cousin. On the next day her family took her divorce ad insist us for marriage.
But my family plan was different. They just want to save me . My family started taking excuses of time. Firstly they ask for three months time for completion of divorce. Her family did not accept her and she is living in her uncle home for one month. After that she has been locked in a room for long time. As the time passes the attitude of my family changes and they break their all promises and commitments. Her father fulfilled my family's all requirements like union counsel letter and etc.
As the time passes the situation become worse and worse. The other party (her first husband) start threatening me and my family thorough legal notices as his father is famous lawyer of the town. I left my home many times because my family never understands me and my position. I never want to destroy her life. But as the time passes their hate toward her increases. I left home many time and do different job. All the times I came back with new commitment of my father that he will do my marriage with her. He promise me many times and breaks all promises and commitment. Two to three times’ proper date and dua-e-kher as been asked for our marriage but my family always withdraw and break all the commitment.
Every time we receive the letters from her former husband in which he claims that he is still her husband ( Although he had done marriage with his another cousin after one year from that case and had a daughter too) but he goes up to his maximum to threaten me . There was also some signs received that my father is with him and it all was preplanned just to stop me. But it is not confirmed yet.
Last time almost 4 months back I was left home after bad dialogue with my father and doing job in different city. After one month my parents called me and asked me to come back and we will do you marriage with her but our last condition is that she should take proper khula from court, so that we should be safe legally.
It was very difficult for her father to take her daughter in front of court, but her parents agreed when my parents visit their home and request for legal clearance. After that we file a case in court and her father and uncle went to his family as they are relative too to inform and request them not to more disturb them more. They did so and not appear in court. After waiting for her former husband, and sending three letters and fulfilling all legal formalities, the judge finally gave a degree two weeks before. Now again the time of my family to fulfill their words, as her family was waiting for more then 4 years and fulfill all my family and legal requirements.
But here again the problem came. Some body again sends the fictitious letter to me and my father in which again same old threaten world. I am not sure weather it is the planning of my father or some body is just doing to pinch us. All the people around us say that these letters have no worth now but my great dad again refuses to do my marriage with her. And says that I have business commitment and will see this matter after six months.
We are in deep crises from more then 4 years and both became mental and neuro patient. Even she is going for M.R.I test and other neuro tests tomorrow when I am writing this to you.
Please advise us what to do? and what Islam says particular in our case. Kindly guide us without any biases between shia and sunni sect.
Waiting for your reply.
Regards, Ahmad Malik