Some Funny Marriage Quotes

• “My advice to you is to get married. If you find a good wife, you’ll be happy; if not, you’ll become a philosopher”. – Socrate
• “Why a woman gets a longer, happy and tension free life? Because she does not have a wife.” A recent SMS message on cells in Pakistan from unknown developers
• “I love being married. It’s so great to find one special person you want to annoy for the rest of your life.”- Rita Rudner
• “I think men who have a pierced ear are better prepared for marriage. They’ve experienced pain and bought jewelry.” – Rita Rudner
• Marriage is the alliance of two people, one of whom never remembers birthdays and the other who never forgets.” – Ogden Nash • “Adam and Eve had an ideal marriage. He didn’t have to hear about all the men she could have married… and she didn’t have to hear about how well his Mother cooked.” – From Unknown Source
• A friend recently told us about a twenty-fifth-anniversary party where the husband gave a toast and said, “The key to our success is very simple. Within minutes after every fight, one of us says, ‘I’m sorry, Sally’.”- Jefferson Machamer
• “My wife and I were happy for twenty years. Then we met.” – Rodney Dangerfield

• “A married man should forget his mistakes; no use two people remembering the same thing.” – Duane Dewel
• “Eighty percent of married men cheat in America. The rest cheat in Europe.” – Funny Marriage Quote from Jackie Mason
• ”Politics doesn’t make strange bedfellows, marriage does.” – Funny Marriage Quote from Groucho Marx
• ”When a woman steals your husband, there is no better revenge than to let her keep him.” – Unknown
• ”The secret of a happy marriage remains a secret.” – Henry Youngman
• “I haven’t spoken to my wife in years. I didn’t want to interrupt her.” – Rodney Dangerfield.
• “I’ve had bad luck with both my wives. The first one left me and the second one didn’t.” – Patrick Murray
• “When you see what some girls marry, you realize how much they must hate to work for a living.” – Helen Rowland
• “What ought to be done to the man who invented the celebrating of anniversaries? Mere killing would be too light.” – Mark Twain

• “In my house I’m the boss, my wife is just the decision maker.” – Woody Allen
• A happy marriage is a long conversation which always seems too short” – Funny Marriage Quotes from Andre Maurois
• Before marriage, a man yearns for the woman he loves. After marriage, the ‘Y’ becomes silent! – Funny Marriage Quotes from Unknown source
• Marriage is the wastepaper basket of the emotions. – Funny Marriage Quotes from Erma Bombeck
• There is a time for all things, Except Marriage my dear. – Funny Marriage Quotes from Thomas Chatterton
• Only one marriage I regret. I remember after I got that marriage license I went across from the license bureau to a bar for a drink. The bartender said, ‘What will you have, sir?’ And I said, ‘A glass of hemlock.’ – Ernest Hemingway